The Sermon on the Mount

Posted: October 23, 2012 in Uncategorized

The day before the current, Jesus settled us down at the table to talk and have supper.

‘Tomorrow morning, I require quite a lengthy and significant task for you all,’ Jesus said calmly, ‘I want you all to gather as many people as possible, from all faiths and races, all occupations and ages.’

Puzzled for this, I asked, ‘Why is this necessary?’

He replied, ‘I will be making a speech about my father and the kingdom of Heaven, to clear up any questions or doubts that I am truly the Messiah.’





The next day, after all of the disciples had gathered as many people as we could, we told Jesus that there were hundreds – maybe thousands of people willing to gather at the bottom of the mountain to hear Jesus speaking.

He began preaching to the people, giving advice on how to live their life, and telling us about the kingdom of God. Wandering around, he answered questions from Rabbis and tax collectors alike, treating everybody with equal respect.

Nearing the end of his speech, he taught us how to pray. He said something that went like this:

Our Father, who is in Heaven

Hallowed is his name

His kingdom come, he will be done

on Earth as it is in Heaven

Give us today our daily bread

and forgive our trespasses

… and I’m still being taught to remember the rest. Whatever. Thomas already memorised it. Can’t let him beat me!

Anyway, a while after that, people were still following us and asking Jesus questions. Of course, James tried to shoo them off, but Jesus patiently answered their questions, really reverently. He’s amazing, especially how he knows how to control large crowds of people and all that jazz.

We’re still asking him questions about it to this day! Obviously none of us can remember the entire speech, but we’re trying to remember the key terms and phrases included in it.


19th October

Today as we followed Jesus into the temple, there was a blind beggar. Feeling sorry for the man, Jesus spat on the ground and created clay, applied it to the blind man’s eyes and told him to wash in the pull of Sent. We thought this was merely a spiritual practice, but we were as amazed as the ordinary people to find out the blind man had been cured! 

20th October

A centurion ran at Jesus, and told him that he wished him to heal his servant who was lying paralysed. 

Aside  —  Posted: October 23, 2012 in Uncategorized

The Jesus I Know

Posted: October 23, 2012 in Uncategorized

When we were sitting down last night to eat supper, Jesus told us a bit about his early life. He told us that he was a builder and that he was born with step-brothers in a normal Jewish family. He told us that he watched farmers, builders and carpenters and used them to craft parables that everyday people would understand.

18th october

Posted: October 18, 2012 in Uncategorized

There had been some rough tension in the group, and I, willing to stop the argument, asked Jesus, ‘How many times should I forgive my neighbour?”

At this, he replied with another one of his stories, this time about an unmerciful servant. He told us about a wealthy king who had mercy on his corrupt servant. The servant continued to do terrible things, and the servant was caught by the king and punished. Jesus told us that this is what God would do to us if we consistently sin.

17th October

Posted: October 17, 2012 in Uncategorized

I was with Jesus, and he was preaching to various people. One man, a lawyer tried to question Jesus’ knowledge of Jewish law. Instead of answering straightforwardly, Jesus starts telling a story about a Samaritan helping out a half-dead robbed man. I think that Jesus knew what an effect this would happen on the lawyer, who seemed pretty anti-Samaritan. But I wish he would shut up for once. He always talks as soon as we get into a town, and we’re all hungry 😡

Simon Peter

Posted: October 11, 2012 in Uncategorized

I decided to stop my normal life and serve Jesus because there was some sort of heavenly aura around him that I immediately recognised.

Hey there my loyal viewers! From reading the title and glimpsing the sign you may be wondering why this is being posted on a highly Religious blog. The reason is that we are exploring our Catholic spirituality more by finding out where our signs and symbols derive from. But before we get into that, lets have some fun!

#1 This is the first of many ironic and “duh” obvious signs.

#2 Do I even need to explain this?

#3 Atheist respect.

#4 That car in the background…

#5 Irony.

#6 Yay cockroaches.

#7 Ooh…. irony.

#8 Bullet marks mean nobody abides by the rules set by this sign.

#9 Oh the close-mindedness.

#10 A male’s dream.